Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
