Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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