I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
