I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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