3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Found the puke drawer
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
