Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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