you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
