Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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