Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
