tell your sister to shave her snatch
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
