Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
