i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
