carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
