nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
