this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
