This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
