Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
