I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
