I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
NoShamevember. You game?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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