It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
