Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Randomize
