I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
