based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
