I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
