Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
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My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
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Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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