What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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