no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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