i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
