he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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