I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I deserve this hangover.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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