he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
