For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
