It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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