I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You ate ashes out of my bong
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
