I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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