Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
im about as happy as oj after his trial
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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