I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
