but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
