And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
