man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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