What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
