Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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