Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
