me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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