By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
