just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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