Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
