He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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