dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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