awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
