So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
