you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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