How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
