a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
