ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He shit in the fireplace
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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