Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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