Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
