I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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