Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
