I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I have so many feelings about this burrito