At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
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My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
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my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.