If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.