So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
