the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
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Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
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Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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