matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
