I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
