I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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