so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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