On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
