so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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