im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize
