I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
