it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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